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LICENSED · BONDED · DECEASEDDUSK TO DAWN · SEVEN NIGHTS A WEEK
How the haunt works

From first ride-through to morning report.

The Proprietor owns the company and signs the contract. The team does everything else, and they are better at it. Here is every step, from the first visit to a typical night.

Rattles the skeleton with a clipboard in a file room
Filed
Six steps

How it works, start to finish

No installation, no hardware, and no training for your staff. You close up, we do the rest, and you read about it in the morning.

  1. The first ride-through

    Led by The Proprietor, Dietrich Van Hollow

    About an hour after you close, the Proprietor rides your property with you. They note every door still in use, what sits unattended, and who is allowed to be there at night. It is free, and there is no obligation.

    You get: A sketch map and a short list of questions.

    The first ride-through of a building after closing time
  2. The security plan

    Led by Abigail Crane

    We write it with you on one page, in plain English: the strength you chose, the signals at your doors, the two doors that loop, the decoy zone, the rooms that are never entered, who is authorized at night, and who we call if the police are needed.

    You get: The plan and a route map.

    You do: Tell us what to change.

    The security plan being written out for a client
  3. The contract

    Led by Abigail Crane

    One page plus terms, written in ink. The price in souls, gold, or favors. The Empty-Handed Guarantee. Thirty-day claims. Cancel any time.

    You get: A contract you can read in five minutes.

    You do: Sign it, and latch the back door.

    The contract being signed
  4. Installation night

    Led by Your specialist

    The Certified Haunted Decal goes on your door, the cold spots are placed, and the specialist walks every route once. Nothing is installed in your building and nothing is wired.

    You do: Nothing. Go home.

  5. Every night after that

    Led by The whole night shift

    Most nights, nothing happens and we write it down. When someone does arrive, the building answers in stages, from a quiet signal at the door to a haunting they will remember. The timeline below shows a typical night.

    The Third Shift
  6. The morning report and the monthly review

    Led by The Quality Control Spirit and your specialist

    Every morning you get a plain report, quiet night or not, read twice before it is sent. Once a month your specialist goes over what we saw and what to adjust with you. This is where many of our best ideas come from.

    You get: A report by eight and a call each month.

A typical night

What happens between dusk and dawn

Most nights end at the first line. When they do not, the building answers in stages, and each stage is chosen to send the visitor away with as little drama as possible.

  1. Dusk
    SetupYour assigned specialist

    The specialist takes the post

    Doors are checked, the back door is tested by hand, the decal is in place, and the cold spots are set. The night’s report page is opened.

  2. Evening
    SetupYour assigned specialist

    Quiet rounds

    The specialist rides the route every hour. Usually nothing happens, and that is written down too.

  3. 2:47 a.m.
    ThresholdThe specialist on duty

    A visitor reaches the back door

    A cold spot at the handle, a draft at neck height, a light that will not stay on, a pale shape in the window. Most visitors read the room and leave without ever opening the door.

  4. 2:49 a.m.
    The LoopThe specialist on duty

    The door puts them back outside

    If they try the door, it opens. They step through, and step out of the same door, facing the way they came. This happens twice, never more, and nobody is ever trapped.

  5. 2:53 a.m.
    Staged WelcomeThe specialist on duty

    A hallway that looks like a win

    Only the determined get this far. We let them into the decoy zone we chose with you: a vestibule with nothing worth taking. The lights come up and the next lock opens easily. They feel they have won.

  6. 2:55 a.m.
    Rapid HauntingThe whole shift, on cue

    Three events in under a minute

    Lockers open, a piano plays itself, someone asks for a hall pass. The visitor drops the bag and takes the exit, and leaves with only what they brought. If you have asked for it, a very long story keeps them seated until the patrol arrives.

  7. 6:00 a.m.
    ReportReviewed by the Quality Control Spirit

    The morning report is written

    Plain English, even on quiet nights: what happened, where, and what we did about it.

The one rule: nothing valuable is ever inside the decoy zone. That is why we can let a determined visitor in and still keep the Empty-Handed Guarantee.

Every plan · Delivered at first light

The morning report.

A quiet building is a good night. Here is a quiet night in writing: one intruder, one draft, and a pharmacy that opened to nothing.

MORNING REPORT · MAIN ST. PHARMACY · FILED 06:00

21:04 RIDE BEGINS. ALL DOORS LATCHED.
23:30 COLD SPOT HELD AT MED FRIDGE. TEMP LOG UNAFFECTED.
02:47 INTRUDER (1) AT REAR DOOR. ONE (1) DRAFT AT NECK HEIGHT. INTRUDER LEFT. DID NOT RETURN.
05:55 SUNRISE. BUILDING AS FOUND.
** INTRUDERS: 1. INTRUDERS DEPARTED: 1. HAVE A QUIET MORNING. **
A hard night · Delivered at first light

On a hard night, the report gets longer. The voice does not.

A server room, a heartbeat under the floor, and an intruder who made a wish out loud.

MORNING REPORT · WINSLOW DATA ROOM · FILED 06:00

20:58 RIDE BEGINS. BUILDING CLOSED. DATA ROOM LOCKED.
22:30 INTRUDER (1) IN THE DATA ROOM WITH A BAG AND A THUMB DRIVE.
22:31 HEARTBEAT HEARD UNDER THE RAISED FLOOR. A GHOST FROM A DIFFERENT STORY. WE LAUGHED. IT LAUGHED. WE AGREED WE HAVE THIS ONE COVERED. IT LEFT.
22:35 INTRUDER LIFTED A TILE TO FIND THE HEARTBEAT. FOUND A LARGE RACK OF FANS. THEN FOUND A MONKEY'S PAW IN THE CABLE TRAY.
22:37 INTRUDER WISHED ALOUD FOR NO ALARMS. WISH GRANTED. ALL SERVERS ALSO LOST POWER. INTRUDER APOLOGIZED TO THE ROOM. ROOM DID NOT ACCEPT.
22:41 INTRUDER LEFT, QUICKLY. THUMB DRIVE LEFT BEHIND. LABELED AND FILED. POWER RESTORED.
03:00 MONKEY'S PAW FILED. WILL NOT BE RETURNED.
05:55 SUNRISE. SERVERS AT NORMAL PITCH.
** INTRUDERS: 1. INTRUDERS DEPARTED: 1. WISHES USED: 1. NO FURTHER WISHES RECOMMENDED. **

Every intruder runs off empty-handed, or the night is free.

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