Skip to main content
LICENSED · BONDED · DECEASEDDUSK TO DAWN · SEVEN NIGHTS A WEEK
The Hollow Gazette
Explainer

How to Tell When You’re Being Haunted by Professionals

Not every unexplained noise is ours. Here is how to tell.
By ·
Tessa the Banshee at her post.
Tessa the Banshee at her post.

Not every unexplained noise is ours. Here is how to tell.

Signs it is us

  • A plain written report on your desk by morning
  • A cold spot exactly as cold as the refrigerator
  • A single draft at neck height, then nothing
  • A Certified Haunted Decal in the window

Signs it is someone else

  • A bill in dollars, unprompted
  • Ectoplasm on the carpet
  • A chandelier that falls in a way that favors the insurer
  • No report, ever

If you cannot tell

Call us. We will tell you plainly whether it is ours, and if it is not, we will tell you who to call, which will not be us.

Corrections. An earlier version of this guide listed ectoplasm on the carpet as a sign it is someone else. A reader notes that it is also what happens when you spill a smoothie. We regret the ambiguity.
Filed under:

More from the Gazette

Every intruder runs off empty-handed, or the night is free.

Request a ride-through ▸