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LICENSED · BONDED · DECEASEDDUSK TO DAWN · SEVEN NIGHTS A WEEK
The Hollow Gazette
Explainer

Please Do Not Say Our Name Three Times

You do not need to repeat yourself. Please do not repeat anyone’s name, ever.
By ·
The Whiteboard Wraith in a dark conference room.
The Whiteboard Wraith in a dark conference room.

A small number of clients have asked whether they must say our name three times to summon the service. They do not.

We have nothing against the practice. It simply belongs to a different line of work, run by a gentleman in a striped suit with a casual relationship to the rules. We are not that service.

How to reach us

Say it once. Or better, fill in the ride-through form. We answer on the first ring and we do not require repetition. The only thing we ask you to say three times is “please latch the back door.”

A warning

If anyone offers to help by saying a name three times, politely decline. We have seen how that ends, and it ends with something very large in the lobby.

Corrections. A reader has pointed out that this article itself says our name more than once. We have decided not to look into it.
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